Posted by Abigail on March 03, 2009 at 00:36 [24.57.247.223]
I’m going to get super personal, and I swear if anyone *ever* brings this up in a conversation with me I will deny ever saying it, because I hate admitting I have weaknesses, but I have super bad trust issues, and I have no clue why.
I’ve never had a serious or long-term, or hell, even official relationship in real life. Anything sex related has been along the lines of “so I met this dude at a bar…” or “You’re weird, leave me alone…” But, I have tried my hand at internet relationships. A couple of them have been short lived, and a couple was really great and still continued in a way, or if they don’t, they ended very well mutually.
One relationship I had was with a daddy. It was absolutely wonderful. He was quite a bit older than me, and he saw me as nothing more than his baby girl. His kids were around my age, and he truly was just a loving and caring daddy in every sense of the word. This ended eventually, but only because we both got busy, and things kind of just died down.
Another one I had after daddy #1 was again, an older man. He had kids that were older than me, and initially it was the same type of relationship as the first. But then he would express his feelings about how his previous baby girl didn’t give him the sexual attention he needed. Now, that is utterly understandable. It was to the point where his other baby girl didn’t want to even see or hear about him in a diaper. I agreed that it wasn’t fair, and I tried to give him the things he needed as well. But when things started taking a sexual role, and I put myself in a position where I promised to give him things I didn’t want to, it was like I got scared, or something, and we also lost contact. After a while I did confess my feelings to him, and he said it was alright, but things haven’t ever been the same.
There are a couple other relationships, both which fit under one of the two categories (in some ways), however I will not mention them – only because the person reads my blog, and I’d rather sort out my feelings before having them read it on a public blog.
Now, when looking at both of those relationships, the only main difference I can see between the two, is that one of them started to include a more adult side of myself, and the other person. I’m not going to lie – I certainly have an adult side, and sexual desires that need to be satisfied, so it’s not like I just don’t feel things sexually. I just don’t think I want to involve another person, for several reasons that I can’t seem to figure out.
I also think it might be somewhat of a commitment problem, as well. I mean, if I just discuss possibilities with someone, it’s all fine and dandy, but when it starts to become a reality I get scared. But again, this only pertains to those who I have more of an adult relationship with, not those who I just have a strictly daddy/little girl relationship with.
I’ve kind of discussed this with people before, and I’ve always gotten “that’s a problem every teen girl has,” etc… but I think it’s more than that. These stupid problems go a bit deeper than just “what if he doesn’t like the way I look,” type insecurities, it’s so many things rolled into one that I have a hard time even expressing them. And what I find so stupid is the fact that the problems don’t seem to affect me when it regards a daddy.
So then it leads me to the question, are my problems something that drove me to be a LG with daddy desires – or is it a problem that developed somewhere else, and I am just using a daddy because I’m afraid of everything else, or am I just picking bad people?
Comments are welcome, very, very welcome. I’m really hoping for some feedback, dudes. But again, bring this up in messenger and my e-penis will push me to deny everything. I’d rather be a jerky, macho gal, than some sappy suck.
Loves and hugs,
Abby.
Email: abbyrainne@gmail.com
Home Page : My blog