Posted by cuddlemonkey on March 03, 2009 at 10:32 [96.248.230.117]
In Reply to: Trust issues, how to get over them, and how a dadd posted by Abigail on March 03, 2009 at 00:36
Well, couple things to start with. First, 'macho-ness' in any gender is usually used to cover up insecurity, so you're not weird in that regard. And what you've been told is true, this is a problem that is related to age and inexperience.
It sounds like you fear being vulnerable more than anything else, which may be why your discomfort only comes up when things start involving 'real abby.' The beauty of the RP relationship is that you control it 100%, and you can disavow your actions and feelings as just 'play.' Usually, it's our grownup side that protects our inner LGs, but it sounds like it's working the other way around for you, like you're using 'little abby' as a proxy so that 'big abby' can still be macho and independent and not have to worry about her grownup feelings making her vulnerable (i.e. subject to somebody else's desire and approval).
But that vulnerability is what makes real intimacy possible. It can get lonely being the tough guy/gal, people come to believe that you must not want or need anything from them since you're so self-sufficient and all-around awesome on your own.
Do you have any idea why you don't want to involve another person in your sex life? If you can figure out exactly why, you can work to overcome those fears. Or, conversely, you can refuse to regard it as a 'problem,' because it isn't necessarily a bad thing, nor is it uncommon. I have lots of friends (guys and girls both) who held off on sex until they were in their 20's, and were perfectly happy to do so. Sex can be a great part of life, but it's only part of what makes life good.
It's also possible that A) for whatever reason, you just want a non-sexual D/lg relationship, or B) you don't want to see your daddy-type in a diapered or AB role. If either of these are true, it is ok for you to set limits around what you will or won't do sexually. Limits are healthy.
So how do you 'get over it?' Time, persistence, and a lot of self-reflection. I can't tell you if these guys are right for you, or what your 'problem' is since I don't know you. I can tell you that I kinda had the same problem at your age, but in reverse. I could share the sex stuff and was really into experimenting, but my inner LG was 100% off limits to the public, since the LG stuff was extremely personal and I didn't have a community of internet peeps to convince me that I wasn't a total freak. Everyone's sexual development is different, so you have to kind of be your own compass. Give yourself permission to discover what makes YOU feel sexy, safe and comfortable and to move towards it. Experiment, revise, repeat. Then repeat again :-D
Email: littlebear_lucky@yahoo.com