Posted by eliminatrix on December 27, 1998 at 04:31
In Reply to: Learning about myself posted by over40 on December 26, 1998 at 20:16
Posting to this site for some support in giving it up is kind of like the alcoholic who says to the guys at the bar that he's been thinking about going on the wagon.
It's ironic that while you'd like to not return, now you'll have a reason to return, so you can see what types of responses you get. I can already see you've gotten responses that don't see where there is a problem.
I imagine that I can understand where you're coming from. Someone said earlier, "well if you have better things to do, then why not do them?" Unfortunately, some people (like myself) aren't able to stop performing gratifying behavior so easily.
Compulsive behavior IS like drug addiction. You discover it and it's great, so you do it as much as you can; then it stops being great because it's having negative consequences in your life, so you try to stop and discover you can't. "It" can be sex, eating, gambling, shopping, you-name-it.
I, for one, spend a ridiculous amount of time at this site and similar, indulging my interest to the maximum. There are a lot of things I'd like to be doing, and I don't do them because I'm busy surfing the Net or chatting with my wet/poopy friends. I have not been able to moderate my habit well, and certain facets of my life have suffered as a result.
I suffered from drug addiction, and have gratefully been free of active addiction for several years. I also had another compulsive, destructive behavior that I have been free of for almost 2 years. I found recovery from these addictions by praying, removing myself from situations that triggered me to act on my compulsive behavior, and surrounding myself with people who had overcome similar obstacles.
While I tell you all this, let me also say that I have no plans to quit visiting these sites on the web anytime soon. I still find that the validation and support I receive from this community far outweigh the things in my life that I am neglecting right now. For now, learning to be OK with myself and what I like is the most important thing to me.
A lot of people may not understand your dilemma. People who don't do this sort of thing don't understand why you can't just stop. People who share this don't understand why you would want to.
I hope that you find the peace you are looking for. Feel free to e-mail me if you'd like me to share a little more of my experience, or let you know about some support groups that you may find helpful. Or if you'd rather, give me a reply and I'll post here. -V.
Email: eliminatrix@hotmail.com