Posted by Jerry on January 24, 2003 at 09:47 [67.30.229.70]
In Reply to: Re: What are your fears??? posted by pantiespooper on January 23, 2003 at 21:39
This is a similar story, except that I didn't get caught. I had been over to the local "Moose" club, having a few beers with some friends. Well, beer makes me pee like an out of control faucet (about a quart for every beer I have), and As I hadn't had a bowel movement that morning, I was starting to really need to go to the bathroom. Wel, I knew I was parked in a remote part of the lot, and decided that if no one was around I'd have some fun in my pants brfore driving home. As luck would have it, the lot was empty, so I stood there and slowly soaked my pants with pee, before pushing a sizable load of soft poop into them. I placed the towel and plastic trash bag I kept in my "Bronco" for times such as this onto the seatand got in and sat down in my wet messy pants for the short drive home. In retrospect, I'd probably had too many beers to be driving, but I was careful and made it home safely. I pulled into my driveway, and stopped with the "Bronco" still in gear and my foot on the brake. As I reached for the gearshift to put it in park, I knocked over a cup of change I kept for tolls. Not thinking I leaned over to pick up the change, my foot slipped off the brake, and the next thing I knew I'd rammed into the toungue of my boat trailer. I put the vehicle into reverse and backed up a little before getting out. Now, I haven't yet mentioned this, but it was about 40 degF and a cold drizzle was falling. Not being totally sober, I inadvertantly pushed the door lock as I got out to survey the damage. My grill was broken, and I'd managed to push the boat trailer into my fence, breaking the gate. Now, here I am, standing in a cold rain, with pee soaked jeans and a major mess in the seat of my pants as I discover I've locked myself out of my car with the engine running, and my only key to the house inside. I almost cried. Finally, I looked in my boat and found my bait cutting knife. I stuck it between the vent window and its frame and tried to pry it open. The window shattered. I reached in, opened the door, turned off the ignitition and got my keys. I unlocked the house and went inside where I crashed in bed without changing my wet messy pants. I had a major mess to clean up the next morning, and a $50.00 bill for replacing my vent window. The replacement parts for my grill and fixing the gate cost me about $150.00 more. All in all it was an expensive night. That one night cured me of drinking anywhere other than the comfort of my home.
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