Posted by HANCE on October 03, 2000 at 15:26
My name is Hance. This is about my wife, Teah. And for those of you who don't know us, my full name is Hancebridge. My wife's full name is "Shyteah" (shi-tee-uh; yes, as in the S word). But I call her "Teah" for short. Teah, my lovely wife, has a very big butt (the kind that reminds you of a mare), thick thighs, and a tiny 24 inch waistline. Once Teah and I were going to Gina and Tom's a new house. We all went to college together. Teah's been the same since I met her: always hungry, always whining, and she always spends more time in the bathroom than any other place. We had just come from dinner with her rich parents (who like me more than Teah). Teah always wears tight clothes from Victoria's Secret Catalogs. She wore a little black dress to show off her big butt. It was a $49 stretch knit dress with cap sleeves, and she'd have to pull it down when ever she got ready to sit down. She wore these $29 platform sandals, and her toes were painted black. Okay, it was nighttime, around 8:30. I was driving to Gina's and Teah was listening to the DJ on the radio. She laughed herself silly. When I got off Interstate 95, I saw her holding her belly. She said, "I musta jarred something loose." Her body crooked like an archer's bow in that tight-ass dress. Teah released a SBD one. By the time the scent hit my nose, she said softly, "Hance, I gotta dookie."
I asked, "Can you hold 'til we get to Gina's?"
She was clinching her anus; her toes knotted and her face pinched. "Yeah. But it'll hurt."
"What did you eat?" I asked.
"Roast beef and cheddar sandwich, broccoli, baked potato . . ."
"Not tonight," I said. "All this week."
Teah made repentant eyes at me. "Macaroni and cheese."
"How much?"
Her gapped 2 front teeth showed in her half-smile. She replied. "A whole pan."
It got worse by the question. I asked her, "Did you drink any fluids?"
"A milkshake," Teah tried to recall. "Some Diet Coke, Slim Fast . . ."
I was thinking of taking Teah to the hospital; maybe the delivery room was the ideal place for her, since she once passed a stool the size of her own wrist! When we got to Gina's I got my Sony camcorder out of the trunk. Teah was walking like she was holding a kick ball between her knees. It was so funny; I recorded her all the way to the porch.
"It hurts," she whined as we got to the front door. Gina invited us in. Teah just sat on the sofa like that abrasive sensation to pass a bowling ball didn't exist. When Teah broke wind a few times, Gina had a feeling what Teah was about to ask. After 20 minutes of gassing us out, Teah gathered the courage to ask, "Can I use your bathroom?"
Knowing her sorority sister's tremendous bowel movements all too well, Gina asked, "Number 1 or number 2?"
"I gotta dookie," Teah lightly stepped in place, like she'd split open where she stood.
Usually Gina tells Teah to go outside and poop. But this time Gina said, "Go ahead."
Teah ran upstairs, knocked and then came back down in a panic. "It's locked, Gina!"
Gina smiled. "Ah! Tommy is still installing the ceiling fan."
Teah gave me that 'do something about it' look. I went up to speak to Tom. I told him that Teah had to go to the bathroom. Tom only nodded, got out the Liquid Plumber and the toilet snake and left. I opened my camcorder back on the sink and got a shot of the new ceiling fan. Gina was in the doorway and said, "Your wife is down there hemorrhaging." So I rushed down to tell Teah the bathroom was free. She was on the sofa, hunched on her right side, doing what sounded like Lamaze breathing.
Teah got up, moaned and pulled that tiny black dress over her slightly exposed butt cheeks. She said on the way up, " I gotta good bad." I recorded her while she held her big booty with the right hand and her belly with the left. I turned from locking the door and found Teah in a squatting position; her tiny black dress had gathered at the rear while she hunted for her favorite magazines in a nearby rack. I zoomed in and only saw the black thong between her cheeks bulging outward. Something was bound to pop out of there. When she acquired 3 BLACK HAIR mags, she stood for a second, I guess to squeeze the load back up there, because it probably stained her bikini. Then she let her thong fall to her ankles, and she stooped down again! She held on to the sink and like a frog, she bounced a bit. The dark skin around her tense anus swelled forth with erotic life and pushed outward a bit. When pee dripped from below, Teah shot up, lifted the toilet cover and franticly pulled the tiny dress up to her navel. With her donkey thighs fully exposed, she lowered her bubble butt onto the softest mink seat cover she even felt. She peed, bent forward, removed her platform sandals and spread her toes on the soft mink throw rug. She remained slanted forward while she flipped through the mags. At the angle from which I sat, I had no view of her beautifully swelled anus. "Get up," I said.
Instead she told me to get her elevated seat from her luggage. I came back and put the seat boaster on backward, so that the frontal opening was to the rear. She moaned deeply when she sat down again; and I aimed my Sony camcorder up into that dark aperture. I clicked on the camera light and was startled by the head of a monstrous sub roll turd! It was creeping down, crackling like burning plastic. It peeked out about a half inch, and then it was sucked back up there. Teah clinched up very tight then relaxed her muscles for another effort. She bore down and peed; the throbbing anus bulged and pushed outward (SEE PIC). The poop showed no indication of snapping off as Teah pinched her anus; it remained sooth and shiny at the tip as she clinched up and took it back in.
"Hance," she panted, spraying air freshener, "I can't dookie with that thing down there."
I only dared to prop the skin around her anus with my finger. She released the spray can and bore down, pressing it out promptly. It was out about a good inch, then vanished back inside her. Teah pushed, peed like crazy and made a beastly sound. Once again the giant turd peeked out of her. It was huge and bumpy, like a distorted tree branch. She sucked it back up. She moaned and gave another gentle push. It slid down some more this time, having some pigments of light brown, black blotches and even swirls of green! Crackling greatening as the loaf protruded; then she sucked it back up! "I can't dookie," she whined. "It's too big!" Her anus was shut up tight, and there was a mound on the left side; it was that big log, slowly making its way down for another putrid appearance.
I said dearly to her, "Let it come. . ." Just as soon as I zoomed in, it popped back out with a foul whisper. And I soaked the front of my pants with warm sticky fluid. Teah spread her cheeks and allowed the monster to smooth out; it was full of knots and crooks, and she broke it off at about 7 inches. But the hemorrhaging was not over. Out popped the start of another long and firm burden. She rocked and grunted in great effort, dropping a hot steamy 4 incher. The last on made her anus bunch inward. It stretched her hole to the size of a 50-cent piece. She was trying to break it off, but it was too solid. I quickly got a shot of her sweaty distraught face and knotting toes. When I got back, the turd was just leaving her butt. It made the lenses fog up as it plopped quietly below. She wiped 6 times. "I just gave birth," Teah stood and pulled down her little black dress. She had numerous burdensome, hardy, smelly newborns on her roster.
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