Posted by Jenn on December 09, 2010 at 13:37 [99.50.179.110]
So I did it by myself yesterday! I will start by saying that it was a good experience. I really can’t believe how many different feelings and emotions my head and body went through in such a short period of time (the whole thing – including the clean up and shower – took a total of less than 30 minutes).
As I said yesterday, pooping in my pants has been dominating my thoughts for a few weeks now (since I saw my husband doing it and then since I started to “research” the fetish). I made the decision to try this by myself before letting my husband know I saw him or even bringing it up to him in any way (after the advice of several people here – thanks!). I knew that the first time I’d have a couple of hours to myself would be yesterday evening so I did not go to the bathroom the previous day or yesterday during work. On my ride home from work I kind of had to go but it was not an emergency or anything. And, I kept thinking that I was not going to really go through with it – but deep in my head I knew I was going to try it. By the time I got home I was sweating (which is funny because it’s so cold outside) and I felt like I couldn’t really hold or concentrate on any thoughts other than what I was planning.
I checked and rechecked the house to see if my husband was home (I knew he wasn’t but I think I was kind of procrastinating). At this point I felt more nervous than anything – like I could still just forget about what I saw him doing and take it no further.
I made my way to our bedroom and went into the bathroom. I had to pee so I took off my slacks and underwear and peed in the toilet. I felt myself holding back on purpose and knew that I was really going to go through with my plan. As I was wiping it felt like an electric shock when I brushed my clit. I could feel my vagina getting wet and opening. I started teasing very lightly with my fingers right there on the toilet. I wasn’t rubbing directly on my clit but I knew that I could make myself cum in a few seconds. But, I stopped and stood up and went to my dresser like I was in a trance or something.
I started digging in my underwear drawer to get to the panties that I really never wear anymore. My head felt like it was spinning. I felt like I used to feel when I was 15 years old and would reach under my mattress late at night to find the pack of cigarettes I hid there - after my family had gone to sleep and I knew I was going to sneak a smoke next to bedroom window. Even then I would get light headed because I knew I was about to do something very “bad”. I would sit there at my window smoking with my legs crossed bouncing my knee (this was how I first masturbated – the leg crossing thing and I still like to do it sometimes). After, I would lie on my bed and finger myself to two or three orgasms before falling alseep. I loved that feeling and had felt it rarely since then.
I found a light blue cotton pair that are what I guess you could call “granny panties” (they are full in the seat and come up a bit higher on my waist than all of my newer underwear – but they still fit pretty tightly). I slid the panties on and could feel that my hands were shaking as I pulled them up my legs. As if on auto pilot, I reached into the drawer where I kept my vibrator (it’s just a small on the takes AA batteries – nothing fancy). I went into the bathroom and was looking in the mirror. I hadn’t turned on the vibrator but I was rubbing it down my chest and over my stomach. I now had a familiar feeling that I get right before I’m going to masturbate or have sex with my husband. I could feel that my pussy was very wet and the need to touch myself was irresistible. I turned the vibrator to the middle setting and pressed it against the front of my panties. My orgasm came very fast. My mind was blank and I was concentrating on the feeling between my legs as I came. I watched myself cum in the mirror and my eyes went down my body to my ass.
I knew that subconsciously I thought that after my orgasm I would be able to think more rationally and not go through with my original plan. This was not the case however. I was looking at my ass in the mirror and I pulled my panties up tight against it. I now understand why my husband took a mirror off of the wall (the sink makes the view of my ass obstructed unless I go up on my tip toes). So, naked except for my blue panties I walked into the hallway and took the little wall mirror down and brought it back to the bathroom. The view standing over the mirror was very sexy. I had a perfect view of the bottom of my ass and could see the underside of my breasts and face looking down.
The panties were snug against my ass and I could clearly see the outline of my ass cheeks and pussy. My heart was racing – I knew that I was going to do it. I turned my vibrator on to the lowest setting and was just barely touching around the outsides of my labia through the fabric. It felt so good – but this time I was consciously trying to delay my orgasm. I was staring at my ass in the mirror on the floor and I held my breath and pushed. Nothing happened! I started thinking that I can’t believe I’m doing this – this is sick – why am I doing this? At the same time I tried pushing again. Nothing again. I let the air out of my lungs and saw that my face was totally red. I could feel my veins pounding in my neck because my heart was beating so fast. I could see a little wet spot darkening the front of my panties (I don’t know if it was a little pee or because I was so wet at that point).
It was like I was delirious. I looked down and pushed again. Oh god! This time I felt my asshole dilating. The feeling was so shocking that I stopped pushing and I felt the shit get pulled back up. I wanted that dilating feeling back. So I took a deep breath and pushed again. This time there was no stopping and I knew it. I could hear a sort of crackling sound and it was then that it hit me … oh my god you little slut – you’re shitting in your pants!
I was staring at my ass and could see my panties tenting out and I pushed harder now. It felt crazy! I don’t even know if I was breathing at that point. As I strained, pushing hard again, I pressed the vibrator directly against my clit through the front of my panties. I felt like my whole body was melting. My orgasm was so strong that I had to use my free hand to steady myself by grabbing the sink. I could feel my asshole contracting with my orgasm and I actually started to see little “floaters” in my vision (probably from pushing so hard and not taking a breath).
I just stood there over the mirror as I came down from the orgasm. My face was red and at that moment I totally understood why people would do this. However, as my heart rate slowed I noticed the smell. Next a wave of embarrassment swept over me. I looked in the mirror (the one over the sink) and I didn’t even want to look at myself. I put the vibrator down and waddled over to the toilet and tried carefully to lower the panties. I will spare you the details of the whole clean up but I will say that as I was showering I was thinking that I will NEVER do that again.
Ha ha! It wasn’t more than an hour later and I was letting my thoughts wander to when I would be able to do it again – IF I wanted to. I am still not sure what, if anything, I will be telling my husband. The whole shame thing after I came is giving me pause. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable (and I’m not sure I would be okay in front of him).
Today I re-arranged my work schedule so I can work from home tomorrow (Friday). I am now pretty sure that I want to do this again (I keep getting the “going to do something bad” feeling and I like it). I’ll have the whole day to explore this further!
Jenn~
Email: jpete@gmail.com