Posted by lurking_til_now on September 15, 2006 at 14:11 [71.145.172.128]
Hi. I'm new to posting here but I'm not new to this forum. I've been reading it off and on the past several months, mostly out of mutual curiosity.
A couple of things in my past and in my life recently have led me to believe I may want to be a LG.
When I was around 4 years old my mother used to take me and my two brothers (I'm a triplet) to the YMCA with her. We'd get dropped off in the childcare area while she would exercise. One day I was having a lot of fun playing with whatever toy I had so when I had the urge to pee I didn't get up to ask to go to the restroom.
Finally I waited until the last second and got up to ask the older woman monitoring the children if I could go to the restroom. She finally said yes and I ran to the bathroom area, a hallway or so away. Just as I opened the door I pee'd my pants. Now I never wet my bed (though my brothers did) and I took great 4-year-pride in the fact. This wasn't the worse of it. When I told the woman she held me down and forced me to wear a diaper. I was so upset I couldn't stop crying and my brothers came over to hug and comfort me.
The Woman kept saying,
"Stop crying! Don't be such a baby. Maybe you should be in those diapers if you're going to cry like that."
And that only made me feel worse. When my mother found out she was very angry at the woman and very understanding of my situation. She said we would never go back there and she was sorry I had been treated that way. When we got home she gave me some clean big girl clothes and everything was fine.
I am now much older, 19, and I don't have any sort of bedwetting trouble.
But as I was growing up, I noticed things. One, spanking and discipline. When I was young I was curious about them and when I got older they turned me on. Spanking is a huge fetish of mine and it's something I can't deny within my being.
Two, diapers and bedwetting. They made me curious/interested, but at the same time fearful due to that episode with that woman at the YMCA. That fear mixed with curiosity has turned into something within myself that I feel like I don't feed. I usually try to ignore it.
Three, I love little girl things. I have always loved Mary Jane shoes and knee socks, I wear them all the time. I love little puffed sleeve shirts. I absolutely love school uniforms and tried when I was a pre-teen to get into a private school just for the ridgid rules and the uniforms. I own some now and wear them whenever I feel like it. In public, etc. I can get away with it because I look young enough.
I look much younger than I am, and I like to act. I audition for plays and films, and I have been cast in quite a few. I have never been cast in a role of a person over the age of twenty. And mostly I am forced to play young girls onstage. I even had to play a role recently (a year ago) where I carried a doll around and had to avoid being whipped by a cane, all while wearing a pink dress, a big hairbow, and frilly white bloomers with white stockings and black patent mary jane shoes. Needless to say I really liked that role.
Right now I have a boyfriend who is ten years older than me. I finally got him into some spanking things, though it took a long time. Sometimes in public, if I spend too long looking at clothes, or do something naughty, he'll drag me away and whisper in my ear "You're going to be in big trouble when we get home". We both sorta laugh but then later he delivers. It's awesome.
The main problem I have right now, is the wetting part of the whole thing. I know I can act like a little girl to a certain extent, without having to go into full-blown roleplaying, which I think he wouldn't like to do. He's kinda submissive and I think being a "daddy" might freak him out.
I have dreams all the time about being an AB/LG (both erotic and non-erotic), and I have found myself more and more frequently reading stories online and browsing through pictures.
When I was a pre-teen I made up a make-believe story in my head about a land where adults were forced to behave like babies in every way in order to test robot-like machines that would aid babies in the future. Because an adult would be smart enough to avoid trouble, unlike an innocent child. I think now, looking back, I only thought about that because I wanted to think about what it would be like to be a baby again. And this is all way before I even new AB/LG even existed.
I know this is probably a really huge post and may be bothersome, but there is so much going on in my head. Should I try to pursue some of these things? Are there small ways in which I can fulfill these cravings within me for now and build up to something greater in the future.
Thanks for any comments or suggestions you might have.
-K
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