Posted by no name yet on September 14, 2006 at 18:26 [67.68.242.157]
In Reply to: my deepest fantasy posted by no name yet on September 10, 2006 at 02:09
I was totally unprepared for responses to my post on this board. At the time, it didn't even occur to me that others would read it. I mean, I know it is a public messageboard, but my thoughts and feelings are very private. And the need to get it off my chest blinded me to the reprecussions.
When I checked the board a couple days later and saw that there were replies, I panicked. I couldn't bring myself to read them. I felt embarassed and ashamed. My deepest, darkest secret was not only revealed but being discussed. I shut off my computer and cried myself to sleep.
After a while the panic subsided but the shame and embarassment kept rushing back whenever I thought about my posting. To make matters worse, I thought about it a lot and I didn't know why. Finally I came to a conclusion. If my preamble seems long, it's because I'm stalling. I'm trying to find the courage to share something I can barely admit to myself.
At any rate, what I realized was that the shame and embarassment if felt excited me. I feel like I had my first taste of what it would be like to live out my fantasy. What I felt was very real and I'm not sure how to put this...their intensity and truth have begun to flavour my fantasies. I'm not sure If I am making any sense. I think I have a very real idea of how I would feel standing in the corner after being spanked. That last sentence was the hardest thing I have ever wrote.
I finally read the replies and although I'm not sure what to make of them all I didn't feel panic. Nervous, yes, but not panic. In fact I felt very welcomed. So Thank you all for that.
Originally I intended to answer peoples questions with this post but I kinda got sidetracked. Sorry if this is too long. I guess I'm still trying to work things out in my head and spilling my guts here seems to help