Posted by stinkybabygirl on May 17, 2006 at 01:38 [65.93.126.10]
My daddy makes me post punishment essays here publicly revealing my very private shame. I used to live as a five year old girl with my daddy. He was very loving and patient and took great care of me. He could also be strict when he needed to. In fact, my happiest childhood memories are from when I was 27.
If you read my earlier essays (my last one was 3 or 4 weeks ago)then you know that daddy caught me touching myself in the bathroom some months back and as a punishment he has kept me in diapers since. He is still loving and caring as he always was. And exceptionaly affectionate when changing me. While I adore the extra attention I have had to endure the constant feelings of shame and humiliation as well.
I am NOT an adult baby, nor do I have a diaper fetish. I am much more a little girl then a grown woman. And my diaper punishment is result of forgetting that. The bulk between my legs, the tight elastic digging into my thighs, the audible crinkle each time I sit, or stand, or walk, the itch, the heat and the smell, are all meant to be uncomfortable. As a punishment, it has been very effective. Being kept in diapers has been a constant reminder to me to behave myself. I am sure other little girls like me get spanked when they break rules or misbehave but since my diaper punishment began I have tried extra careful to be good.
I have been in diapers for what feels like forever but I have learned, as I did with spankings, to endure and accept the physical discomfort. What I still stuggle with after all this time is the shame, humiliation and fear that I live with every day. Fear that a strong gust of wind will blow up the hem of the school uniforms I wear in public exposing my secret to world. Or someone will recognize the telltale rustle when I shift in a chair at a restaurant. The humiliation of being denied any control over my most basic needs. A childs first act of independence is learning to use the bathroom by himself, something I am no longer allowed to do.
But by far the worst is the shame. I am not my daddys prisoner. I am not held against my will. I am free to leave at anytime. I have even considered it. Especially when I find myself sitting in my "timeout" chair facing the corner, tears rolling down my cheeks, squirming in a wet diaper, aggravating a diaper rash. Who wouldnt? The reason I don I dont know what to do. Are there any other girls like me who have been through anything like this. Please let me know.
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