Posted by DR on September 30, 2005 at 03:57 [67.83.76.91]
In Reply to: Re: Do I have a little girl? Are you reading this posted by GentleDaddy on September 29, 2005 at 18:20
Heya Mvinyl,
Ever since our third SIDNY party, when I let you Top kelsey for a bit and you smacked her inner thighs mercilessly, I said to myself, "Yep, he's got a sadistic side."
Which meant that your Dom side probably wasn't far away. Great to have you here Mvinyl. :)
GentleDaddy offered sage advice. I couldn't have said it better myself. In addition to what he wrote, two things:
1. Bookend your scenes with both a healthy dose of negotiation and aftercare. The negotiation doesn't have to take place right before your scene, as that dampens the spontaneity of it, but you should decide on how you feel about diaper play before doing it. If she's able and willing to talk about her past, then try to learn what are the landmines. Does she have a bad association with diapers? Does the word, "Daddy" bother her? Is sex verboten during your regression scenes?
And since she's a victim of sexual abuse, make sure to care for her *after* your scene. If you regress her, then bring her out of that headspace with lots of reassurance that she's safe and okay. I recently attended a workshop on abduction scenes, but the presenter offered advice on aftercare that is applicable here: provide the *familiar* to her in your aftercare. Put on some of her favorite music -- adult music -- so that she gently regains touch with what's familiar to her adult lifestyle.
As GentleDaddy wrote, if she cries (in a bad way) or experiences flashbacks, then stop the scene, give her your assurance, and give her back that which is familiar to her adult side: including her adult clothing.
And then talk about it when she's comfortable doing so.
2. I'll also note that your diaper scene need not involve regression per se. It sounds to me as though you would like to regress her, but if that's problematic in light of her past, then you can use diapers as a tool of discipline, humiliation, control or pain. In fact, that's how kelsey and I play -- kelsey doesn't regress whatsoever when I diaper her.
But as with the first point, diaper punishment should be accompanied by negotation and aftercare. Your girlfriend seems open to the idea of being dominated, so talk about how she feels about diapers in a punishment/discipline/humiliation/control context also -- that is, if you're similiarly interested.
Finally, it can't hurt to read more from other survivors of sexual abuse. This site below offers some quality information about enjoying BDSM when one is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Click it, scroll down a bit, and you'll find links to several articles on the subject.
http://www.leathernroses.com/abuse/healingabuse.htm
Also try, "The Survivor's Guide to Sex: How to Have an Empowered Sex Life After Child Sexual Abuse" by Staci Haines - a very pro-BDSM book which features a chapter on roleplay. Here's a link for the book on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1573440795/qid=1128078503/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-7041016-0585417?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
And finally, try the link to the Kink Aware Professionals below if you and your girlfriend ever want to talk with a mental health professional who is aware and understanding of your BDSM lifestyle. Understand that by offering that link, I'm not judging you at all, nor saying that you necessarily need to see a professional -- but rather I'm saying that a *kink-friendly expert* in surviving childhood sexual abuse can be a useful resource.
http://www.bannon.com/kap/
All of my best to you and your girlfriend Mvinyl. It sucks that we fell out of touch. I'll email you sometime in the next day or two and we'll chat.
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