Posted by DR on September 13, 2005 at 14:44 [67.83.76.91]
In Reply to: Daddy/daughter relationships posted by Thomas C. on September 13, 2005 at 09:59
Hi Thomas C,
Nicely said. Interesting POV. I agree with thrust of that post, with some small exceptions here and there, most notably the main factor behind women's reticence in the diaper world. IMO, our dependence upon *online* interaction is the main factor -- not terminology, such as "porn" and "fetish," as you argued above. And while I certainly agree that our kink is not "porn," -- I don't believe calling it a "fetish" is specifically damaging in the *right context.* The "right context" is, IMO, one based on real-time interactions, which are inherently far more respectful and far more sincere than virtual ones.
I believe accountability is the reason for this disparity. Its easy to act disrespectfully towards others online, where one's identity is limited to a ten-letter, witty pseudonym. But those who interact face-to-face, or have the expection of doing so -- as is true of the BDSM community -- are keenly aware of the value of respect lest they later be trapped in the same room with someone they dissed. And while many BDSM'ers interact both online and in real-time, it is this real-time component that demands their continued respect.
And in contrast to your above statement about BDSM openness, in fact, most BDSM'ers keep their kinks a guarded secret from their vanilla worlds. What *is* different however, is that they know each others' faces, and can touch each other when they interact -- thus making them far more accountable to one another than diaper folk are to each other.
I'll note that this lack of accountability in the diaper world has created a culture focused on *content* and *self-gratification,* -- not respect and community. One only needs to look at the ratio of diaper pictures sites to that of real-time diaper groups to see this overwhelming disproportionality.
As an aside, I think the Daddys-girl list does a good job keeping things respectful -- inasmuch as can be done online. But its effectiveness is limited both by the nature of online interactions, and by the "culture of self" we've designed for ourselves in the diaper world. Its hard to erase a bad history.
IMO, if we want to empower women in the diaper world, we must do three key things. These points will not only empower women, but also concomitantly empower our entire community:
1. We must encourage women (and all in the diaper world) to be responsible for their voices. No woman should allow overzealousness or disrespect to chase her away from participating in that which she loves.
2. We must encourage all who interact in the online diaper world to be mindful of their behaviors, and mindful of the consequences of their actions, such as: disrespectful IM's - chat - posts and emails, trading copyrighted pictures, trading pictures without others' consent, proliferating inappropriate material, objectifying women non-consensually, etc.
3. We must encourage the diaper world to transition from online to real-time. Not just for parties and munches, but also to share our ideas through meetings, lectures, demonstrations, and to support each others' exploration of WIITWD.
IMO, the best way to begin is to start a real-time group. Go to a BDSM group, see how they do things, and bring away the positives to the diaper community. There are good reasons why BDSM'ers have been so successful for so many years. And like any smart business leader would do, we should visit those who employ a strong, working model, and then copy it -- tailored to our customers, to our thing. I adopted this philosophy long ago, and brought it to my real-time diaper group, SIDNY, which in spite of its failures, had many successes. I continue to believe in this philosophy, and IMO, this outlook is the sine qua non for growth of the diaper community.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Thomas C.
Email: