Posted by DR on July 15, 2005 at 03:17 [67.83.76.91]
In Reply to: switch help! posted by maybe another time on July 13, 2005 at 10:04
I've given your situation some thought, and maybe I can be some help to you.
I think this sort of issue is common to switches. Many switches I know get into a space where they temporarily prefer submission over Dominance or vice-versa. Sometimes this headspace lasts for days, weeks, or months -- but sooner or later, their interest in the other bounces back with great intensity.
Sometimes the attraction comes from going "too long" or "too hard" in a particular headspace -- like pushing a cork down into the water: the harder you push it down, the faster it returns to the surface. Its possible that his "hard-ons" are the result of suppressing his baby/submissive needs for so long, or from staying in Daddy/Dominant mode for longer than he would have liked.
Its interesting that you and your BF stay in role for such an extended time period. I would think its a mindfuck for both of you to suddenly switch from Dom to sub -- Mommy/Daddy to baby -- and vice versa -- after spending months in a particular headspace. Maybe you and he might consider smoothing out those hills and valleys by switching more frequently. Alternately, if you want to be in role for months on end, you can smooth out the transition by enforcing a kink moratorium right before switching. That will give you both a chance to treat the other on an equal footing for a while -- rather than instantly going from "you obey" to "now I obey."
As for "lazy Dom syndrome" -- this is also common. Its possible that his loss of interest is temporary and associated with wanting to be back in diapers, or its also possible that he's having trouble readjusting to the Daddy role. Its also possible that he simply needs some time away from play, but he wants to satisfy you and doesn't know how to express this conflict, so his Dominance comes off half-assed.
You might try encouraging the teacher in him to stimulate his Daddy side. Ask him to teach or guide you in something new -- some area in which he has considerable expertise. By guiding you, he may feel a need to watch over your performance, to support you when you fail, to protect you from self-doubt -- all things that Daddies do so incredibly well. He could assign you homework -- which when not performed to his satisfaction could result in a spanking, time out, or other punishment.
In fact, I know very little about your situation, so take the above with a grain of salt. These may not at all apply to you and your BF. If you would like to share more about your situation, I'm glad to listen and respond with any thoughts I have. I'm sure others here on the DLG message board have similar such switching issues with their partners and would benefit greatly from a more in-depth discussion.
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