Posted by tisha on June 22, 2005 at 05:46 [71.115.221.160]
I'm sure you all read the "TMI-brace yourself" thread. See this as part two of the saga. I guess I'm kind of using this board as a little personal journal too. I hope noone minds. Hey, least I get to drag you all with me on the journey.
I don’t know if I will ever be the kind of girl that actually uses a diaper for its intended purpose. Just not too sure about that. I cannot get over the fact that…. Its urine. Eww. I have read all over the place that is part of the charm, part of the REASON that Daddy takes the time to change his girl, she is wet, and it needs changed. I can’t wrap my head around it though.
There is a really nice guy that I have been chatting with here and there, we talk about diapers and being little and this and that. We are not Daddy/little girl role together, but he is big and im little and we are friends. I wanted to clear that up because there are a few people on the board that are all.. yay, tisha found her Daddy….. no. Tisha found a guy that she really likes to talk to, lives far away, and has a far more deviant girl in his mind to call his own... lol In short, we are not a match but he makes me laugh and he is a TOTAL pest about urging me further along this journey..lol
So…. Second try:
Anyway. He asked me to try sleeping with a diaper on. What the hell.. why not, right? That is what first got me to think about diapers, that mental security, snuggley, even more little than usual mindset as I wrap around my teddy and drift to sleep. Course I imagined Daddy patting my bottom softy as I did, and that isn’t a go, but hey.. can’t have everything, right?
Okay, so I was laying in bed and masturbated with the diaper on and got all fuzzy and gooey in the head, smiled to myself, snuggled my teddy, and went to sleep. It was a nice sensation, but normally I don’t sleep in ANYTHING when I sleep so it felt strange. At some point in the evening, I ripped it off..lol That was fast, huh?
Third try:
I had read where DaddyJ suggested warm water. That it might help the little girl with the transition into wetting. I through.. hey.. lets give it a try. The feeling and sensation of having that wet warmth was … wow… I masturbated again immediately after I wet the diaper with the warm water. The heaviness and heat of it was amazing. What a mind phuq, I loved it. I was really hot. Though, I really wasn’t in a very "little" mind-set for it, it was more a deviant kink thrill, like doing something you know is naughty to the rest of society. Bleh… hot sexually, yes, but did nothing for me mentally and emotionally.
Fourth and Final try for now:
I had pushed myself to the point where….look, diapers have an intended purpose, and its stupid to go through an experience with them and not use them for said purpose. I was getting frustrated with myself. WHY cant I break this barrier? WHY is there such a block for me? Its not like I have an issue with urinating in it. Hell I have pee’d in an empty cup at a bus stop once because I would have missed the bus and I SO NEEDED TO GO. I sat on the ground in the park (more than once) and piddled like it was perfectly natural to do so. So the actual task wasn’t the issue.. what was it?
I decided to work on it a little but. Tackle it like a job. Okay….I decided that every time I went potty, I would masturbate. Eventually I would link the two in my mind was the hope. It was working, every time I went potty, I started to get that feeling and urge to climax RIGHT after. So once that was linked (even if only in a small way) I said lets give it another try, okay? Before bed, diaper, tinkle like a good girl, touch myself, get off, drift to sleep right after. Again… wake with it torn off, and this horrible feeling of anger and depression inside.
Grrrrr.. So, lets try and figure out whats wrong? Why do I get so upset when I try? Why does it hurt my heart? Why does it make me cry? That is not the reaction I’m supposed to get from the experience, right? If that is what all girls go through why do they keep subjecting themselves to the emotional hurt of it? Or is it just me?
Next job – Break it down, study it, and that question – WHY. Why does it pull the reaction from me that it does? Gonna take a break from the attempts until I can identify this issue properly and maybe tackle it from that angle first before trying the others again.
Email: tisha8@gmail.com