Posted by tisha on June 02, 2005 at 08:14 [4.4.78.235]
In Reply to: Re: A Subject Indeed Part 2. posted by DR on June 01, 2005 at 20:29
You two are making me giggle (not meant rudely I SWEAR, just two Daddy’s goin back n fourth with no little girl poppin in for added info is kinda adorable to watch :) ).
I have moods. When I *feel* little, it goes into different depths of just HOW little. Some people are very definite in the age ranges they slip into. Those are usually the ones that have been doing that for a long time and have found the right "zone" for them. I notice that when I am with someone that makes me feel cared for and "fuzzy" I go much younger than I ever would normally. Normally I am between 6 and 8, that is my comfort zone. When I am with someone else I naturally slip even deeper, depending on how they treat me.
If they treat me like a big girl that can get her own bowl of cereal i will be. It will be hard for me though..lol And I will most certainly spill because it is quite hard for a 4 year old to walk and carry a bowl with liquid in it.. i just cant grasp how the big people do it. :) If I get pulled up close and encouraged that Daddy has his babygirl and there isnt anything I have to do that would require a big girl brain, it affords me to slip deeper. I snuggle in close and soak up that feeling.
I notice that the more I allow myself to relax into it the more I long for things like a diaper or a pacifier. For some reason I really enjoy sucking my thumb, but will choose a sippy cup over a bottle every single time, no matter how little I feel.
Back to the diaper thing.... keep in mind that I haven't tried it yet. But I want to. It would be a comfort thing for me, it would also help me slip a little more, and place more of *me* into my Daddy's hands. I don't have a desire yet to wet in one, but just feel it. Hear that crinkle as he pats my bottom and holds me close. Feel that added padding incase I stumble and fall on my bottom, or HOP onto the couch. The added weight on my hips making me slightly more awkward than usual and serving to hold me into that mind frame a little more securely.
The idea of having Daddy check to see if I have wet, is just.. well makes me wriggley. My mind sometimes spirals into some of the yummiest sexual deviations with it as well (that I wont go into here..lol).
Its not a role for me though. Its not a play scene . Its all emotions and feelings and sometimes even when I am trying so hard to stay within that adult mindset, I slip anyway. I think it has everything to do with still just now allowing myself to even BE little. It was something I always tried to sweep under the carpet and pretend wasnt there... well I guess that lump of swept stuff got a little too big under that carpet to be un-noticeable anymore! lol I don’t see it as regression, I see it as just who I am.
I have ALWAYS loved to color, and do puzzles, and liked carebears, and fairies and stuffed animals that look soft and pretty and delicate. I have always had my favorite weebols, toy cars, and got REAL grumpy that I was too big to go into the playground of McDonalds..lol Long before I realized, admitted, and embraced the “little” parts of me. Things that the average 30+ chick let go of a long long time ago.
Its not a scene that I can schedule out and choose to participate in, it is just me. Good, bad, just who I am. Of course with time I am sure that if with a partner there would be words or looks or activities that would push me down into little space instantly, but that might take a little time. I do notice that when someone calls me baby I mush up inside already. If someone calls me babygirl I correct them right off, or (if its someone I like) explain to them that you cant just say that to a girl! It has meaning and depth to it, like daying “I love you” does..lol You call a girl babygirl and you are expressing that you want to explore that kind of a role with her..hehe
WOW am I long winded.. ugh! SORRY! lol
Email: tisha8@gmail.com