Posted by DR on May 30, 2005 at 21:21 [67.83.76.91]
In Reply to: A Subject Indeed. posted by Mbob on May 30, 2005 at 00:13
Hi MBob,
If yours are ramblings, then I like 'em. Mind if I ramble a little too? I define "topping from the bottom" much like this femsub with whom you spoke. To me its when the submissive directs the dynamic or when the submissive directs a particular scene before, during or after that scene.
I'm not sure if I understand your experiences with those two girls correctly, but it sounds to me like you renegotiated play limits during those relationships. That is, you and she tried something, didn't like it, and simply ruled out that one specific thing from your play. Yet after that negotiation, the dominant still had the latitude to direct the scene (or the dynamic) as s/he saw fit. As I interpret it, that is not topping from the bottom at all.
I agree with you that topping from the bottom ruins my Domspace, but I know a few D/s couples who prefer to play that way. Who am I to judge? Their opinions about BDSM are right *for them* and only for them.
However, I've heard some defend that POV as a maxim for all Dom/sub relationships, offering evidence with the old adage, "the submissive is in charge." But I disagree. Those who suggest as much mistakenly base that opinion on outdated kink literature of twenty years ago. Modern BDSM relationships are much more mature and complex, and both Tops and bottoms are increasingly more and more in touch with their roles. Like the term "infantilism," the aforementioned adage is sorely in need of an overhaul. Just watch CSI if you have any doubt of how little the vanilla world understands us. :)
Ramblings over. Nice post MBob.