Posted by tisha on May 11, 2005 at 07:38 [4.4.78.235]
In Reply to: Re: New here, Hi! (long) posted by Narayanna on May 11, 2005 at 07:03
sometimes its very lonely, especially when you are struggling through getting to know a part of you that is like an instant gateway through all your little walls of protection that you put up to fend off the world. sometimes its easier to just say hi than it is to stand up and say this is what i want and what i am looking for, only to get silence in return, or more of the kind of people that are bad for you trying to get something from you. sometimes its.. sigh.. everyone knows how hard it can be.
its the only seemingly safe way i felt i could have said hello and made an introduction. i guess i want more than just a "little girl looking for the right someone to get to know, love, and treasure her", there are tons of those all over the place. i guess i just wanted to ease into it slow and maybe get a chance to get to know people here a little bit before i knew it was a safe place for me to take that next step at.
what am i looking for? i dunno, im bi so im not sure if it matters what sex soemone is, though when i close my eyes and i imagine things, its always a male. settling into his chast, legs all pulled up close to me as i feel the heaviness of his arm draped around my back, pulling me tighter, tellin me he's got me. my tummy all in knotts and my veins raceing, but not with true fear, a different kind of fear, the kind that on one hand you just have an urge to jump up and run run run so fast away, but that on the other hand your whole body and heart just wants more more more.. even if it is scarey. its always a Him. but i got an open mind.
trust is such a big thing, and i wanna build trust with someone so that someday i can give my everything to and not be terrified that im gonna get hurt, or forgotten about, or used. but i guess that all girls feel that way, huh?
i also want to get to know other kids, i think that by spending time with them i can learn to be little more often. i dont let myself be little a lot, i always think "there is no REASON to be ittle right now" like the more i am little i might not ever wanna be big again. and that is SO scarey to think about!
guess i just need someone that is willing to get to know ~me~ too and not just some cute little girl that they can play with.
ugh.. maybe i just want too much
Email: tisha8@gmail.com