Posted by tisha on May 20, 2005 at 10:25 [4.4.78.235]
In Reply to: Re: Testing 123 *hehe* posted by A. on May 19, 2005 at 05:06
being little is too hard for me i think
its like all those walls of protection that we have built up as grown ups just aren't there anymore.. at least for me
im not perfect, never claim to be
all i know is that when im big, everyone thinks that im amazing, why? because i dont let noone too close to see where im not all togther at
when i try to take the time and breath and try and peek around that corner and be little, i do everything wrong. i tried to see if anyone else tested, i see people bratting all the time and i dont like to see out right bratting, i dont wanna get spanked becasue i pissed someone off. i just want to be with someone that isnt gonna let me get away with everything in the world.
the only real life experaince i had in the past was a Daddy that wanted a little girl for bedroom sex play and his point of view was if i had issues with anything other than that.. it was my issue, my fault. i should look into what a real Daddy/girl relationship is like better before i try to be in one and think for one second that its not all about what the Daddy wants from her.. and that alone.
if you look on line and and put msgs out there, that idea is just fused to reality as Daddy after self-proclaimed Daddy says... "Hi little girl.. why dont you sit on Daddy's lap and let me see how pretty your panties are" ...... what? let me hurl now, please, kthx
so what do i do? how do i trust this dynamic? let me meet people who aren't like that and maybe i wont be so terrified to let anyone know aobut this part of my needs. maybe i will not be so on guard and be able to be younger. but that is what i tried to do here, wasn't it?
is it really just me? am i really that stupid to think there is more to it than that? how do you find the ones that aren't uber dominant "Did I give you permission to... breath little girl??!" how do you find the ones that aren't "haha, look at her temper tantrum.. well aint that just so cute?"
is there a happy medium? bleh
maybe i tried a wrong approach. i have known about my little girl for 3 years, durring that time i have let her public to others maybe a total of 6 months, all broken up and all spread apart becasue i get to battered around by this confusion that i hide her again. everytime i get more and more confused that maybe it is just me that wants something more. maybe it is just me that is wishing and expecting something that isnt there.. anywhere.
did i approach something in a way maybe i shouldnt have? maybe. but dang.. dont rip my face off cuz of it. show me. cuz right now i just dont.. cant.. grr i dont know
it might look like im talking from a grown up state of mind, but im not... everytime i have posted here i have been little i just dont talk super little much.
sigh
i dont even really know right now if anything i hve said ha been on topic, but i guess it doesnt really matter, its all stuff whirling in my head. i dont even know if im agry at and fighting you or myself for..what.. everything. so ill just stop and send
Email: tisha8@gmail.com