Posted by Zorro Daddy on April 04, 2010 at 05:36 [174.59.253.194]
Zeke took me to NYC for the weekend and I am having such a good time!
We did the Statue of Liberty tour this morning when we got here, riding the ferry out to it. Right away, I knew this day would be fun because we decided to tempt danger. This morning before we left, Zeke dressed me in a really, really short flouncy skirt and one of his button down shirts. I had to be careful when bending over, and I made Zeke walk behind me when we walked up all those stairs inside the statue.
I was getting all the usual looks because of my legs. And probably also because of my hair. Zeke told me to do up my hair as I wanted to today. So I left it down.
It seemed like we were never going to get to the top. I’m not real big on heights, but I don’t mind them too much. When we finally did get to the top, the view we got of New York was worth it.
But I wasn’t prepared for the next thing we saw. … We took the Ground Zero Tour. That was really emotional for me. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like on that day. I don’t even want to imagine it. It was such a massive area that was just simply destroyed.
Almost a decade later, it really took me back to that day. I was senior in high school and they told us over the intercom what had happened and then sent us home. I spent the rest of the day curled up on my father’s couch in a ball, watching the news and crying uncontrollably.
Seeing it in real life brought every emotion back. I cried today. I cried so hard as I viewed it that the tears began to stain my cheeks and burn my skin. I walked away from that site and remained clung tightly to Zeke’s body. I kept wiping my eyes on his shirt. I think I ruined his shirt because of the make-up that I rubbed on it. I’m really going to have to scrub it hard when we get home to clean it.
We walked down the streets of New York and I wasn’t feeling any better. I wasn’t making a sound aside from sniffling occasionally. I didn’t know how to feel at that moment. I just kept crying.
Seeing how upset I was, Zeke came up with a plan to cheer me up. He got us a cab and we went to 5th Avenue. I got out of the cab and looked up at the store in front of me. My tears stopped and I smiled.
Zeke had taken me to the FAO Schwartz toy store! And it was huge inside! But it’s not just one big store. It has a bunch of tiny little stores inside it. They had a store for building your own Barbie dolls, a store for making pottery, a wall-to-wall Muppet section and I saw the huge Piano Tom Hanks played with his feet in the movie ‘Big’!!! There was a huge baby stuffs section that I enjoyed walking through and looking at, but the best thing was the stuffed animal section where I found a stuffed elf that looked like Mr. Woody and Zeke bought it for me!
I didn’t want to ever leave that place. I wanted to stay there and live there forever. It had its own atmosphere to it, like it was another world where all your favorite childhood memories had been collected and stored. You couldn’t help but feel like a kid again when you go in there. It was magical!
But we eventually did leave and now I walked the streets of New York, still clung to Zeke’s body, but with a smile and a stuffed Mr. Woody doll!
Like good little tourists, we went into an NYC souvenir shop and it was in that store that I experienced the one thing I will never forget about this day for the rest of my life. Zeke did something I will never forget.
As I’m writing this, I recall every last bit of it so vividly as if it were happening all over again. The store was loaded with buttons, pins, pencils, pens, boxers, notebooks, cups, glasses, sweatshirts, ball caps, you name it. The usual was there.
I walked up to a rack of I Heart NYC t-shirts and began looking through the colors. I couldn’t decide between the white shirt with red letters and the pink shirt with white letters. Suddenly, Zeke walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He asked what I was doing and I explained my plight about the shirt colors.
He then asked me to explain why I liked each of them. So I began to tell them why I liked the white t-shirt when suddenly I felt his left hand reach under my skirt to my upper leg. I thought he was going to tickle my inner thigh, but what he did instead stopped me dead in the middle of my sentence and thought.
He traced the elastic edging of my diaper and quietly slipped his hand inside my diaper. Removing his hand and encouraging me to continue, he wrapped his arms around my waist again. All he really did was simply check my diaper, something he had done countless times before.
I’ll never forget the way he made me feel. I was petrified yet excited at the same time and I trembled throughout my body. We were in public and a simple action as a diaper check turned me “little” inside. I was having such a terribly rough time being good and remaining a lady for him. I was feeling the “little” begin to take me over.
Just when I was about to start jumping around like a little girl, I went from “little” to “baby” inside. Now I wanted my pacifier more than ever before. I wanted to be carried around in his arms, gently patted and rocked as I fell asleep on his shoulder. I wanted to hear him say: “You’re being a very good girl for Daddy” as he kissed my forehead. It was a powerful journey to go from “big to “baby” that quickly. Though he may not know when exactly it hits me, I think he realizes his effect on me.
What he doesn’t realize, what he couldn’t possibly know is that the gentle, caressing touch of his fingertips arouses a passion within me that grows every time he touched me.
I don’t feel any guilt or shame for getting urges from his touch. We are in love, after all. It’s only natural to feel that way, but it’s getting nearly impossible to wait for marriage until we … well, I mean … I don’t want to make him mad at me or think less of me. He’s been a blessing from God through my sickness and I can see how much he loves me in his actions. I can hear how much he loves me in his words. That should really be enough for now. But to be honest, I really want to feel that love, too.
It makes me sad that I think this way. We decided to wait until we got married. I wished our wedding day were tomorrow so we’d be married and then the wait would be over. I don’t know if I can make two more months without … And my emotions are a mess some days because of my treatments. I guess I’m just a mess.
But we also went to Times Square and we ate at Becco (an Italian Restaurant) in the theater district. We ate this dish of grilled vegetables with seafood in it. I forget the name of it, but for dessert I had Torte di Zabaglione e Cioccolato (a Chocolate mousse cake). It was incredible. At dinner, I asked him again about going to meet other AB couples. I think I’m getting closer.
We got a hotel room for the weekend. And after we got back from dinner, he took off my messy diaper, wiped my bottom and put me right in the tub for bath time. Nobody knows how to do bath time like Zeke.
Afterwards, he put me in the “I heart NYC” night shirt he bought me and put my hair in pigtails.
Zeke put all my toys on the rug space between the two beds and put me in the middle of them all. He told me this was my play space and that I wasn’t to leave it. SpongeBob wasn’t anywhere on cable so he ordered “The Princess and the Frog” off the movies. Then he sat on the bed in front of his laptop to write.
I watched the movie some and played some. I enjoy my play time, even when it’s not at home. I go to a very special place in my mind. It’s a place where make-believe is as real as I want it to be. Zeke couldn’t understand why I love make-believe so much, even if he tried, because he’s not “little” like me.
Part way through the movie, a knock came at the door. I looked up at Zeke and he handed me some money. So I got up and went to the door. I opened it and there was a hotel guy who handed me a silver tray with a lid on it. I was standing there in a NYC nightshirt (which I think covered my diaper all the way) and pigtails.
I gave him the money and took the tray and lid. I closed the door and started carrying the tray and lid over to Zeke when I suddenly stopped, realizing that I had a pacifier in my mouth and I hadn’t taken it out when I answered the door. The guy didn’t seem surprised. I’m sure he’s seen a lot more provocative things.
The tray felt cold underneath and Zeke told me to put it on the end of the bed. So I put it on the bed and he had me sit on my knees on the bed in front of it.
The suspense was killing me. What could be inside it? I asked him if I could look to see what was inside and he said yes. I took the lid off and at the same time that he was attaching a bib around my neck, I was clapping my hands in excitement. I turned around and gave him a great big BabyGirl hug and thanked him. He hugged me back, patting my diapered tooshy and telling me I had been a very good girl all day long. That made me feel so little when he said that and it made me feel so good to hear him say it because I knew that I had made him happy and that meant more to me than anything else in the world at that moment.
OMG! I didn’t tell you what was under the lid, did I? Sorry.
Zeke had ordered some room service for me. Sitting on the silver tray in front of me was a Double Banana Split Sundae! It was made with chocolate ice cream, had whipped cream and drizzled chocolate syrup on it and had not just one cherry on the top, but three!
I sat there, Indian-leg style and ate that whole Sundae while I watched the rest of “Princess and the Frog”. Zeke can’t handle lactose. So he can’t eat ice cream. Well … he says he could, but he’d “pay for it” afterwards. I always tell him not to worry because I will always eat his ice cream for him. … I think that is very thoughtful of me! -giggle-
As I was eating my ice cream, Zeke had moved his laptop over to the desk and when I finished eating, he had me come over and sit on his lap as he wiped my face and hands clean from all the chocolate. He opened his email and showed me a series of six emails he had gotten from Tay-Tay. He downloaded what she sent and then allowed me to use the mouse.
I like it when he lets me use his laptop. And this time I got to click through all the files that Tay-Tay had sent him. They were the piccies she had taken from her visit with us last week! One-by-One, I clicked through them and had a lot of laughter and smiles to share because of the piccies. I covered my face when I saw some of the embarrassing shots, but I still enjoyed looking at them.
Finished looking at his laptop and he helped me pick up all my toys. The he picked me up, sat on the sofa, put me on his lap and bottle fed me. I lied there and traced the features of his face as I drank my night time apple juice.
And as he bottle fed me, I began to think about how lucky I was to have him. I all ready knew I was lucky to have him, but I still have moments when I’m reminded that there’s something to be said for a man who brings out the best in you. A Daddy who brings out the “littlest” me. hehe. Sometimes he makes me feel so little, and I’m talking the kind of “little” feeling where …
… I’m sitting on a blanket in a park in a summer dress and a diaper that I’ve all wet three times. I’m sucking on my pacifier while humming the “itsy bitsy spider” song and doing the motions with my hands in the air. I finish the song and pick up my Pooh and Tigger animals, and have them dance as I hum the next silly tune that comes to my mind. I get an itch on the bottom of my foot and I scratch it, only to be distracted by the color of my toenail polish which then leads to a “this little piggy went to market” moment in my head. I hear people talking and a couple walks by, not too close to us, but close enough to make me worry. I look over at Zeke who is sitting on a bench next to me and is on his cell phone with his publishing company. He winks at me and smiles kindly. And that’s all it take to make me feel better.
That couple does take a look over at me and I give them a “little girl” wave. (I even have Pooh and Tigger wave to them, too.) They wave back and walk on thinking nothing of it. I lay back on the blanket and look up at the leaves in the trees above me with the glimmers of sunlight peeking down at me. I get comfortable because I need to poop and it’s easier for him to clean me if I’m not sitting in it. So I stay lying down so I don’t mush it with my hiney.
At that moment, anything could go wrong. Someone I know could walk up to me and see my outfit, my pacifier, my toys, the fact that I’m wearing a diaper or the fact that it’s now a poopy diaper. My secret could be discovered so easily and I wouldn’t just be embarrassed but also humiliated.
But that never happens because he always protects me from everything. That’s the feeling of “little” that I’m talking about where you always feel like you are wrapped in a blanket of love and protection. And because of this, you can be worry-free, enough to leave everything about yourself completely exposed.
I’m writing this as we lie in bed. Zeke has been watching stupid ESPN and now he says it’s time to go to sleep. So I need to finish writing. What Daddy says goes. ;)
Until I next write to you, Nite Nite Diary!
Lily
p.s. Have I mentioned to you that I love him?
p.s.s. Have I mentioned to you that I really love him?
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