Posted by dad2u on November 13, 2009 at 15:49 [64.160.96.63]
In Reply to: Re: new and confused posted by tilly on November 13, 2009 at 12:21
Tilly, I know this is all very confusing to you and you desperately want to get some answers. I know you feel that at eleven years of age, your sisters accident wouldn't be the cause of your feelings, and if that was the only trauma you went through, I would agree. Keep in mind that your family was a bit different then most in that your mother had to devote a great deal of time to your sister after the accident, and that you didn't have the benefit of a dad to help fill in when your mother couldn't be there for you. I assume you had to learn to do a lot of things on your own after your Mom found herself an only parent. Raising children alone is hard enough, and God knows your sisters care after the accident didn't make things any easier for her . I think you can understand that despite our best efforts to do right for our children, things can still fall short of perfect. You DID miss out on a very important time in your life that makes it hard to move forward. MY biggest concern with girls who don't have the benefit of a positive male role model in a family ( dad) is that they have little to base future partners on. This gets apparent when you mention the BF who doesn't want any part of your "lil" side, without even knowing the reasons you feel this way. Any caring partner would want to help get you through this. This is not something you chose for yourself (these feelings) there is a real reason for why this is happening to you now. I think you can see that I have some idea about all this (having been an AB daddy for over 14 years. I did mention losing attention to a sibling & the problems in your family's marriage in my previous reply without the benefit of knowing you.. My point is your situation isn't as uncommon as you might think, I left my email if you want to talk further. Hugs
Email: todavem@yahoo.com