Posted by GentleDad on April 27, 2010 at 09:22 [174.54.32.108]
In Reply to: Questions posted by confused little girl on April 27, 2010 at 05:34
That's a difficult and sad subject, and as a searching Daddy, it makes me sad to think of a little girl reaching out for her daddy and being ignored. But at the same time, it has happened to me several times that a little girl I am talking to, developing feelings for, and having happy thoughts about, has disappeared in just the way you are describing. Daddies have needs too. We need to hold our little girl in our arms, we need to cuddle and relax, we need to give baths, and we need to change diapers and tell our girl how beautiful she is and how happy she makes Dad with the things she does in her diaper. When she's not there (for no reason and without notice), it's frustrating, puzzling, and causes anger. And, yes, my experience has been the same as yours, in that after a while, they return with a feeble excuse as if they had just been gone a moment.
We don't all know ourselves as well as we could and should, and we don't know until it hits us hard that we are so afraid of being happy. We move towards the happy thing, and everything is good, until a moment when we are suddenly paralyzed and blinded. We don't know where it comes from and we don't even know that it is fear that is doing it. I used to be this way, but luckily I have been able to find a path in my own life towards better things.
I have tried to gently talk to the frightened Babygirls (there have been two in the past year), as if I were holding my hand out to a wild animal, hoping it will approach and sniff my hand, but it hasn't worked. You can try expressing your feelings to your Daddy, but if you are honest about your frustration, sadness, and anger, he is likely to feel threatened and retreat further, and if you hold back your feelings and are only gentle, understanding and forgiving, and nothing else, then the relationship is unequal and in a way, you have become his therapist or mother.
It is a heavy thing, and I dislike saying it, but it has been my observation that when a person collapses, they stay collapsed. Even if you can prop them up by your own self-sacrifice, it is a constant effort, and you will have problems meeting your own needs out of such a relationship.
GentleDad
Email: savant48@yahoo.com