Posted by MyMelody on March 02, 2005 at 14:23 [24.21.243.123]
In Reply to: Re: Ok (and sorry) posted by A. on March 02, 2005 at 11:48
I think in any relationship where there's any type of power exchange (even if it's "just" emotional) it's essential to have a safeword or way of communicating "out of character". It protects not just the person submitting but also the person leading the situation.
I've heard of some people who like to "play" without that fall-back in place, but I really believe it enhances a scene rather than detracts. It allows things to go further without either person having doubts as to what might be *too* far.
It protects the person submitting in knowing they have a way out or to slow things down if it gets too intense (emotionally or physically).
But it's often overlooked that it also protects the person leading. By not having to second guess how they're reading the subs reactions. Also, sometimes the leader can also become overwhelmed and need a break (especially in an environment as emotionally charged as ours) And....worst case -down the line if they're ever accused of doing anything against someone's will it can be very helpful to establish that there were precautions in place and it was not their desire to harm.
Since situations involving power exchange often involve "No" or "Stop" actually NOT being meant...I think it's often helpful to have a word which would be completely out of context and unmistakable. And of course easy to remember. I've heard of people using words like "oatmeal" - things were it wouldn't be accidentally said in feigned protestation. I suppose a word or phrase meaning "no" in another language might also work.
As for slowing down...I can see where an "out of character" word or phrase would be helpful, but I believe not as essential as the "STOP" safeword. I've used "Time out please" in a serious voice to let the person know I needed to slow down and maybe break character to talk about things a little. But I could see how having a code for "Perfect now but don't take it further" or something like that could come in pretty handy.
Also remember (though maybe not as likely with our particular "scene" preferences) that if the scene is going to involve someone not being able to speak (for example a gag) to set up physical signals for "stop" and "slow down".
Of course it must be understood that these are serious precautions, and not to be taken lightly. If a LG uses her safeword every time she wants out of a punishment or doesn't get her way, it can very much frustrate Daddy, and the safeword can loose it's potency. It's important that both people take things seriously, and also continue to pay close attention to the emotional cues given, like tone of voice and body language.(Personally, I've had a safeword in all my relationships for several years, and never yet had to use it)
Of course all of this is just my opinions and experience, I don't mean to sound like a know-it-all! I guess I can come across a little strong, but it's because I take safety (emotional and physical) very seriously, and see it as the responsibility of all people involved in a relationship. And also for myself, I've found that taking the time to go through the hassle of these types of things makes it possible to feel the complete safety to allow myself to become even more "in character" and continually push my limits.
Email: mymelody_bunny@yahoo.com