Posted by A. on September 28, 2008 at 22:31 [71.67.147.112]
In Reply to: Re: TS's are welcome, bigots are not posted by elle on September 28, 2008 at 16:40
... from me:
I'm generally inclined not to blame any particular thing for the difficulties people have meeting others in the scene; it isn't one gender (or confusion in that respect), or anything else. There are lots of things that make it difficult.
I'm anything but convinced that the "scamming" that goes on is specifically tied to "female impersonators" or any of that; most of those that I see around tend to pretend to be the mythical lipstick lesbians, as one sees in countless Diaperspace profiles, etc. I personally haven't had an experience with someone claiming a different gender than they live/play in real life, as far as I know. What I have found more common is very non-committal, overly private people that simply are not interested in the subject matter of this board in any real way.
Here are a couple of the issues I've seen that contribute to making if difficult to hook up in the scene:
-a culture of fear. People, perhaps especially women, are constantly bombarded with the idea that "the internet is scary, people are scary, and life is scary"; I call this "the culture of fear". People pressure their sisters, daughters, and friends to fear "the bad men on the internet", and that does a lot to limit the prospects for happiness for us all.
-social pressures vs. fantasy. Pursuing the sort of kink/"thinks we do"/"lifestyle" that brings us to this board in a way more serious than just online text requires figuring out a way to accommodate the other social pressures that constrain our every day lives. For some, close family ties/interference, child-rearing, and other such make the activities we like seem like more trouble than they're worth. As such, these people tend to come here for their proverbial "jollies", sometimes to frustration to those of us that value this enough to want to live these dreams.
I'd love to continue on this topic with others who are inclined to think about such things.
best,