Posted by BabyVern on September 21, 2004 at 20:51 [65.33.187.97]
Hi
I have spent the last hour or two playing my guitar softly with my reverb pedal and delay and chorus... trying to sooth the inner baby inside of me. sometime smy inner baby gets sad and that in turn makes me feel sad. so sometimes i find the way to cheer myself up and not feel alone and empty, is to take care of my inner baby first, then i usualy come around after that.
I wish i could say that this thing was just as simple as a diaper fetish with role playing like it is for some, but unfortunately for me, i consider it to be deeply rooted due to some trauma that occured as toddler and throughout my childhood. Personally I think i'm not normal, not very socially functional, and somehwat impaired by it, and that upsets me sometiems, but its not anythign i can really fix... i have to be ok with it. just like we all do.
SOmetimes i wish it were as simple as find a partner who totally understands it all and is willing to play out the role of mother, and also baby girl... i like switching cuz i have a father side to me as well i think... but its either that, or just lay in bed with a diaper on and pee and poo in it and cuddle with my stuffed animal and regress sometimes i masturbate, sometimes i'm just a child and totally inocent of sexual things... i never judge myself for my thoughts between sleeping and reality cuz thats a time where i am between dream and reality and i have a mother figure in my mind and its real before bed... and int he morning before geting up... maybe that's my love life... i wonder if i'm capable of having a real relationship even if my partner is open... i wonder how adult and mature i really am, and how much of a immature baby i really am... wonder if i'm just scared to try dating... or weather i already know the outcome and am saving myself and my potential partner heartache when it doesn't work out...
What does it matter... in 5 minutes after i post this ill be in a diaper and in bed and my fantasy love life will begin and by morning i will be nurtured by the phantom mother in my mind... i go day to day, maybe if i just take it day to day, it will be ok for me. i have so much more of my life that isn't ab related, i so much enjoy that part... i wish the ab part wasn't so big of an influence, but it is. self acceptacne is something i'm doing better at each day... i dont know what to say..
anyone have any idea what i'm talking about?
I guess we've all been there at one time or another, i hope. :) hehe. But il'l be ok.
Hope to hear some replies to this. any input ... but please no negative stuff, i don't even read that.. I always skip all the negative posts... i come here for a uplifting experience, not to hear bs. LOL but i keep coming back so apparrently it aint to bad :p
anyway... no wonder i can't write tiffany, i have to much to deal with in my life before i can write any more i think. *sighs*
-BabyVern-
Email: babyvern@diaper-tales.net
Home Page : Diaper-Tales . NET