Posted by felicia on May 08, 2008 at 08:43 [60.50.254.207]
I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago and I've been depressed since. The day it happened I just cried and stayed in bed the whole day. I was so depressed I allowed myself to soil the bed and sleep in it.
After a while I got used to the smell and even started to enjoy it a little. Since then I've been deliberately urinating in bed. I'd wake up to the smell of my pee and masturbate, and then wear the same soiled panties to school.
My classmates have been giving me funny looks and it feels strangely arousing. But I never would've imagined doing what I did yesterday and it still frightens me. I got a fairly bad tummy ache during class and sharted. Let me just say that it was loud enough for the rest of the class to hear and some people started giggling. I could feel my face flush and I got really uncomfortable but it was a huge turn-on at the same time.
Then I got this crazy idea that I should just relieve myself entirely. I think I must've been delirious. The pressure in my bowels was building and I managed to convince myself that it would look like an accident anyway.
I proceeded to shit myself in the classroom and almost immediately, I regretted it. Everyone stopped and looked at me. I cried, I wasn't even pretending. I just kept muttering "I'm sorry I'm sorry" and I didn't dare move. Once it started, I couldn't stop.
They called my parents, and I sat in my own feces and piss for a good half hour before they brought me home. I am incredibly confused right now. As humiliating as it was, I can't deny it felt good. I spent hours masturbating in my soiled panties when I was supposed to be cleaning up.
Is this just a phase I'm going through because of the break-up? Or should I start seeking help?
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