Posted by Matt69 on January 29, 2004 at 14:15 [62.24.89.86]
First Date Doodie
He had lost his virginity to her
When I was a junior, I had hit a "dry spell" and was dying to get laid. One night Phil, my best friend from high school, was in town for break and we were getting sloshed at some cheese ball bar. We were busy trying to score some blow from some schmuck from our high school, when this girl started waving to Phil from across the bar. She came over and sat down beside us, all happy to see Phil. It turned out that Phil had lost his virginity to this girl when he was 15. Shortly thereafter, we got bored at the bar and the three of us decided to go back to my apartment. On the ride over, Phil told me that Lisa was a complete slut-OK.
After a few rounds of drinks, Phil got really fucked up and decided to leave. As soon as Phil walked out the door, Lisa and I moved next to each other on the couch. As we finished off our beers, we began holding hands. Soon we were making out. And we ended up fucking all night. I have to admit that it was great sex.
The next morning, I woke up completely hung over. The room was hot and the air was stale, and something smelled absolutely terrible. The only thing I could think might have happened was that my cat had shit in the room. But that wasn't possible because the bedroom door had been shut all night. The more awake and alert I got, the stronger the smell got. Eventually, I realized that the smell was coming from my bed!
So, I lifted up the sheets to take a peek. There was diarrhea all over the sheets. It was like straight out of Trainspotting.
I jerked my body upright and woke up my overnight guest. When I showed her what had happened, she started freaking out saying "Oh my God, what did you do?"
But the shit was clearly only on her side of the bed and in between her legs. She quickly ran into the bathroom and jumped in the shower. I just stood in my room in complete shock. She said something in my general direction and left. I snatched up all of my sheets and took them straight to the dumpster. Even though I desperately wanted to, I simply could not go back to sleep with the thought of the diarrhea haunting me.
That day, the only person I told was my roommate, and he promised not to tell anyone. Well, a few days passed and I hadn't talked to her. I'm not a "use 'em and lose 'em" type of person, so I called her up. I felt so fucking bad for her, and wanted to express that it was "all good." I ended up asking her if she wanted to go out to dinner.
Long story short, we ended up dating; just because I felt bad for her that she shat all over my bed!
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