Posted by LRP on November 15, 2005 at 06:59 [66.28.235.62]
In Reply to: this really is the shorter version... posted by Long Rambling Poster on November 14, 2005 at 18:11
Naturally the next morning I am reading what I posted last night night thinking "I do sound just a few volumes short of a compendium" so in the interest of clearing that up:
1. I said to him repeatedly that the most important thing between us had to be honesty no matter how enjoyable the conversation, the play or the romp in the proverbial hay.
2. Let me that emphasize that I repeated point one repeatedly.
3. Not two days before I literally caught him cheating, while piecing together the inconsistencies in his various explanations for things, he said that his life was too complicated for more than one woman. Not exactly a resounding pledge of truthfulness, but, taken on its face, a definite indication that if I were to come over to his house for a visit I would find him walking the dog with another woman.
4. And I think this is the most painful...he admitted that if he could have gotten away with it, he would have lied to me about what I had just observed.
Of course I understand that relationships don't fit some ideal. People don't fall madly in love and everything ends with a happily ever after. If I was with someone and tempted to cheat on them, I would have the decency to tell them about it before I did it so that we could fix whatever was leading to the desire to stray or simply let each other go. I've always figured the strength of a relationship was the ability to tell each other anything and talk through it--whether intimate or not. That outlook removes the need to lie I would think. To find out after the fact that someone has done something that they previously denied with great verve, it would be hard for anybody and when you throw in the d/lg dynamic it hurts that much more.
Feel free to dissect and discuss. Having posted all this I don't think I'll have the time or the bravery show my face for another month. But one final question before I disappear, are men, as he claims, different from women in such a way that his behavior is acceptable? I can't put it any clearer than that because that's the best explanation he had. . My first ex would disagree but then he also thinks he holds himself to a higher moral standard to the general population so a more rerprsentative view would be supremely helpful.
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