Posted by DR on October 11, 2005 at 09:21 [67.83.76.91]
In Reply to: Self-definition is NO definition posted by L.E. on October 11, 2005 at 07:06
L.E.,
Your subject line is nonsensical. If none among us self-defines, then who defines us: the majority?
L.E. wrote,
"If anyone can call himself whatever he wants,terms cease to have useful meanings.We need to agree meanings of terms and use them only for those meanings if they are to be understandable."
Read my post closely L.E., and you'll see that I said much of the same thing. But whereas my post was correct, yours stops short of being so.
In that last post, I wrote that definitions are a necessary evil -- but only so as to foster effective communication. But I added that we mustn't use them as a platform for non-consensually defining others' play, roles or dynamics.
I think transgenderism is the perfect example. Many TV's prefer to be called their gender of choice, not their gender of biology. Should we respect their self-definitions, or instead should we say, "You are a man/woman, and nothing you say to the contrary matters. Your self-definition is NO definition."
Which of those attitudes is the correct one? The question is rhetorical.
Anyone *can* call himself what he wants, and we all should respect that. *THAT* respect for others' self-definitions is the sine qua non of kink. If and when the kink world starts disregarding others self-definitions and replaces them with definitions approved by the majority -- when that happens, I'm outta here. I would *never* want to participate in a community where another's freedom to self-define is disregarded -- and thus disrespected by the majority.
Read Daddy T's original comment again,
"i think a male ab and a female ab relationship cannot be called a daddy/babygirl relationship."
IMO, it sounds as though he's disrespecting others' self-definitions.
The irony of your response "Self-definition is No definition" L.E. is that vanillas do exactly the same thing to you. You see, you call yourself a Daddy (or whatever it is you call yourself) -- but the vanilla community doesn't. To them, a Daddy is a man who has fathered a child.
Rather, the vanilla community defines you as a freak, pervert, miscreant, deviant, paraphiliac. And while you haven't passed judgment on others' kinks as the vanillas have, its ironic that you would then do to others in the kink community what the vanilla community has done to you: disregard your right to self-define.
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