Posted by Liz on June 12, 2008 at 22:25 [71.0.118.125]
This is very emotional for me. It is my first post of this kind ever, anywhere...
Let me start by explaining just how nervous posting this makes me.... Not that I'm afraid that anyone I know will find out about my "fetish" - but because I do still feel the "taboo" aspect of it all... Maybe thats why I'm so attracted to it.
I am a 23 year old female... I live in the Bible Belt of the US... I've been raised an only child by my grandparents in a very religious household... Now, I am a bisexual who loves to wet her pants and the security of wearing diapers.
This has been something that has been with me my entire life…
I had a very good friend when I was about 8 years old. She and I used to play truth or dare and I used to dare her to wet her pants. I never thought she would go along with it, but she did - and so began our little game. After about the second or third time she finally dared ME to wet my pants. We did this often as I had a swimming pool and during the summer we just ran around in bathing suits. I lost touch with this friend after I turned 11, but the excitement and feelings I got from holding my pee until I wet myself never ever went away.
I started my period when I was 12, and I started using maxi pads… it didn’t take long until I began holding my pee until I couldn’t hold it anymore, and I would wait until my pee was dribbling out to go to the bathroom, letting the pad catch just enough pee for me to have technically wet my pants (the forbidden) but still nobody know… and never suspect anything.
I was 16 years old when I left home. I was a very troubled teenager. I had not been the same since a sexual assault the summer I was 12, and I was heavy into drugs and self injury. It was then that I got a job working at a drug store chain. We received a discount card for all the same stores in the area… So I would use my discount cards to buy adult diapers from the store on the other side of town where nobody knew me. I had roommates, but I would still use diapers in my room late at night. It wasn’t an all the time thing - I would go through maybe 2-3 packs a year. At this point I had a large amount of shame attached to what I was doing. I was very embarrassed with myself for having these feelings, and the shame kept me from using a diaper very often.
At 17 I met a girl that would become my girlfriend for almost the next 5 years. We lived together from the 2nd month on. It was about 6 months into our relationship that I began having severe nightmares, almost like night terrors. Sometimes this would cause me to wet my bed during the night - something I had never done before. She was very very loving and understanding. She made me feel like everything was ok. Often after coming out of a night terror I was in almost a child like trance. I would cry hysterically that I had wet myself, terrified that I was going to be in some sort of trouble. We talked to my therapist and she said that it was normal in trauma survivors, and put me on a higher dosage of meds. Eventually the terrors stopped, though even now I have them once or twice a year. Sometimes I wet, sometimes I don’t.
After she and I had been together for about a year, I finally began sharing with her bits and pieces of the past, my interests, and feelings. She had never had the same, but was very interested in what sort of fun we could have with it. Over time she got fairly into it - though it was rare that we did it, only several times a year. Our sex life was nearly non-existent…and very tame. Sometimes I would wear the diapers, sometimes she would wear the diapers, and sometimes even we would “nurse” off of each other. We never talked or acted like babies though. Even now, while I think that AB are super cute, my main interest is in the diapers and the wetting aspect. I have no desire to use paci, bottle, crib, etc… but I do have a very very strong need to feel safe, secure, and that what I’m doing is ok.
It wasn’t too long ago that I discovered that there were other people out there who had the same interests I do. But most everything I saw was sexual… and that’s fine - but except on rare occasions this is not sexual for me, it is psychological. All of the benefits that I get from wetting my pants, or my diaper are purely emotional. I do masturbate (since I am single) with my vibrator, but I am still very uneasy of sexual acts. I would love to be more sexual, and to find someone I trusted enough to explore the sexual aspects of this with. Until now though, she is the only person that I have ever shared this with. We have been broken up for over 6 months now, and only in the past 3 weeks have I rediscovered my enjoyment for wetting.
However, I feel like I’m writing this out of desperation. Desperation to try and make sure that I’m NOT the only person who feels this way… to maybe figure out WHY I feel this way, and to simply (hopefully) make some friends. I am a psychology fanatic, it’s my major right now in college - I’m going for counseling. My ultimate desire right now would be to meet someone who would help me explore the hows and the whys of these feelings…
And while this may not be sexual for me, I get IMMENSE satisfaction by having other people sexually enjoy what I’m saying or doing…. That, to me, is gratifying enough in itself.
So to those of you who’ve read all the way to the end of what has turned into WAY more than I intended to write, thank you. I would LOVE to get to know each and every one of you! I’m so in awe of how secure all of you here seem with yourselves and your decisions. I love and respect each and every one of you for having the courage to go against the culture “norm” to do what makes you happy!
I hope to be around a lot more…
Liz
Email: mywetlittlesecret@gmail.com